Today I had a sad day. I don't very often have sad days, but sometimes they come. I always try to be postive and smile, and I most of the time I do a pretty good job on the outside, but my inside doesn't always match. My inside has definitely been sad and a bit discouraged lately. Things have happened in life that I just don't understand. Hard things, sad things, discouraging things. But God knows... He has a purpose. God never promised that the Christian life would be easy, He just asks us to trust Him. I try, but I fail, I pray, and I try again. Sometimes I succeed, but it's a constant battle inside to just... simply... trust! That means I don't get an explanation, I don't get red letters written across the sky telling me what to do or say. I just... simply... trust. I pray for wisdom, and God promised He would give it to me (James 1:5). I can't question God... He is the Creator of the world. He know me better than anyone else. He knows exactly what I need. He knows I need the hard things. He sees the big picture, I don't.
I mess up constantly. I say the wrong thing, have the wrong attitude, make mistakes, don't listen. Sometimes I think that God must have a hard time getting me to do what He wants me to do because I'm always putting myself first. I'll admit it, I am pretty stubborn. But the most amazing thing is is that when I realize that I've made a huge mistake, He forgives me and He fixes it. God knows I am totally surrendered to His will for me, and I believe that He will guide me. I love Psalm 48:14, "For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death." That means that God promised He will guide me until the day I die! Just... simply... trust.
When I get sad, I like to read my Bible. In my daily Bible reading I'm in I Samuel. If anyone had problems in their life it was David! His life was threatened daily but the king of the land. The same king who had made David his armourbearer. The same king whose life David had saved! That king wanted David dead. I don't have anyone chasing me trying to kill me so, my life can't be that bad :).
I also think about Job. He had problems... that's problems with a capital "P". He lost everything. His money, job, possessions, and even his children. His wife turned against him. He got a terrible illness, and his friends told him all the bad stuff that happened to him was his fault, and that he was a wicked sinner. But Job said this in Job 13:15 "Though he (God) slay me, yet will I trust him..." Wow... that just stops me in my tracks right there! Job truly understood trust. I pray that God would give me that grace and strength to trust Him even if He were to take away my life!
I believe God sends difficult things into my life so that I too can better understand how to trust Him. It can be very painful, but God promises He will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5). He promises that I will be able to do all things through Christ (Phil 4:13). Being a Christian is the best thing that anyone could ever be. It's peace, joy, life, and happiness. But it is also surrender, faith, prayer, and trust.
Tonight in church we sang "Who is on the Lord's Side?" It's not really about trust, but it is about victory and living completely for God. The words of the last verse were particularily encouraging.
Fierce may be the conflict, strong may be the foe,
But the King's own army none can overthrow.
Round His standard ranging, victory is secure;
For His truth unchanging makes the triumph sure!
(Sorry about all the sadness in this post :( Next time I'll try to blog about something happier :).